21 Things I Learned in Israel

The “Land of Milk and Honey” is probably not what you’d imagine

Mike Goldberg


Photo By author

1. Friday is the new Saturday. Saturday is the new Sunday.

2. The women walking around Tel Aviv in high heels and revealing clothing are not street walkers. They just didn’t get the memo.

3. Seeing soldiers using public transportation while carrying automatic weapons is actually comforting.

4. Most of Tel Aviv looks like somebody took the San Fernando Valley and threw up all over it.

5. The train from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem takes twice as long as the bus.

6. The Israeli government invests a great deal of money into bringing young Jewish people on an all expense paid birthright trip, with the hope they will decide to become Israeli citizens, and end up living in poverty.

7. I found pork within an hour of arriving. Chinese restaurants have never let me down.

8. Cab drivers in Israel are some of the worst human beings known to mankind.

9. Most apartments in Jerusalem look like Bin Laden’s compound. And they all have reinforced panic rooms, in case shit goes down.

Panic Room. Note the double doors and reinforced flooring (Photo by Author)

10. You can tell who has lived in Israel for a significant amount of time by who has the Thousand Yard Stare. They’ve seen some shit.

11. Stop bitching about the heat. Orthodox Jews walk around all day every day wearing all black. Even their children are tougher than you.

12. If you are Jewish and American, everyone will be surprised if you are not from New York.

13. If you are female, be prepared to be treated like a second class citizen at The Wall (and all holy areas). Don’t take it personally. They just assume you are on your period, and are therefore unclean (no joke).

14. Walk the Stations of the Cross, and don’t complain about all the steps. Jesus did it with a cross on his back.

15. But… not really. The stations (and pretty much every holy site) are just representations. The city was…



Mike Goldberg

3x Top Writer | Traveler | Real estate investor | Storyteller | Occasional columnist | I talk about personal growth and seizing opportunities.