Dying to Transform: Dealing With Change
Death is a difficult topic. Why are we so afraid of it?
For a lot of us, it’s the concept of change. When we lose someone, our life changes. And it’s going to be hard to imagine living without that person. The same goes for a lot of changes in life. We have to venture into unknown territory and leave what we knew behind.
Death as a transformative process.
Someone once said to me “The boy must die so the man may live.” That made me think about a concept I heard this morning — “dying INTO”.
In order to evolve, we have to give up parts of our previous life. This used to scare me. I remember when some of my friends were getting married, they went through a drastic change, seemingly overnight. And the way they went about it really disturbed me, because the first thing they did was get rid of me.
Seeing this happen, it seemed like quite a cost to give up your entire life, everything you love, and your entire identity. Why does one have to do that? Where is it written? Why do people believe this?
A few years later I met my wife, we got married, and all those things I was worried about happening — didn’t happen. I still had the friends I always had, we still enjoyed a good party, we still had our boys' trips, and we never bought a minivan.
Don’t get me wrong, a few things changed. Some very important things. I learned how to operate within a family unit. I replaced “I” with “WE”. But I integrated this into my life, I didn’t let it replace who I was. And as a result, we have a very healthy, happy marriage.
But as this new life progressed, a few of those things I had feared giving up, I became more OK with leaving them behind. I lost interest in going to clubs, for example. My friendships remained stronger than ever because we all found new common ground. My wife and I started going on big adventures. Weekends in Paris or Berlin or London became a regular part of our new life, and the exploration and shared experiences with our family showed us that this was the best possible path we could have taken.